Confessions of an Anxiety Freak

10:02 pm

I’ve always struggled at communicating with my mum, and today I think we made some progress and breaking down some walls. For some context, during my high school experience so far I’ve stopped trying and I felt like I am stupid and can’t actually do anything. This has been caused by the bullying I experienced during year 7 and my anxiety gaining extreme power over me. So at dinner mum “congratulated” me on my achievement of developing a fixed mindset. Now this started one of the usual reactions I have when I’m called out or insulted, I started tear up and shut myself out (I like to call it the sad turtle reaction) but once mum finished talking I shared how I got to the fixed mindset, I hate school attitude. That is I am (and this sounds stupid) afraid of being judged for enjoying school, and this isn’t just by the kids in my class who I don’t associate with it’s also my friends. I have one friend in particular (I’m gonna call her Jade) who when I talked to the teachers or answered a question with conviction she call me a “suck up” (I’ll talk more about jade in later blog posts) So yeah that was the most notable thing about today.

comment if you want me to get into details about anything I’ve discussed during this post.

10:26 pm

I have a presentation due tomorrow. It’s a group project and we’ve all neglected doing anything on it the whole entire weekend. I also have some posters I need to make up for my schools SRC (student representative council) I hate SRC it’s a literal nightmare, but everyone expects me to be part of the leadership program and I can’t disappoint them even though I’m putting myself under so much emotional and mental pressure. I’ve only been back at school for not even one week and I’m almost on the verge of an emotional breakdowns.

144 days till this school year ends

Hi, welcome to my blog. Before I start this is purely anonymous, all the names are fake (including my own.) There’s a lot of stuff that happened before this blog, but I won’t be sharing it because it’s too many words and I’ve learned from experience that dwelling on the past is never a good idea. But to sum it up, horrible people throughout my childhood destroyed my mental health.